The Courage To Heal book:

 A guide for Women survivors of child sexual abuse" by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis.

Autobiography in five short chapters by Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ..... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

 My brain wont let me forget. I see the complete picture now, no more flashes and snap shots, no more missing pieces. I feel the pain that little one felt, , I see what she saw, remember the terror she experienced, I hear her screams. She I was four, and my daddy raped me. He found me hiding from him in the closet, pulled me out, threw me on the bed. He said I had been a bad girl and It was time I learned my lesson. He said we were gonna play a new game, and this one was a secret just like all the others. I couldn't breath he was so heavy, the smell of his cologne was everywhere and I wanted to throw up. Before I had time to beg him to stop he was already pushing my legs apart.

I am so tired of this memory, It haunts my dreams, its corrupts my thoughts. I wish I could put it in a jar and lock it away. Please god give me the strength to endure this pain I am in. Take away my hurt and this awfulness from my mind. Make me know peace, and safeguard me.