Dear Diary,

My hands are numb. I've barely slept in two days...scratch that make that 22 years I've barely slept. Sometimes when I think back on that memory from when I was four years old I feel like I can feel the ropes on my wrists and ankles all over again. Like right now I am being plucked from my hiding place by my father, thrown on the bed, raped, tied up, raped again by two people, and left there to rot in that filth. It feels like now. Like those memories are knives stabbing me repeatedly in the heart, killing me slowly. I want to stop thinking about this. Move on but its as if someone has pressed rewind on my life and is forcing me to continue to go back. This memory...all of these memories are everywhere. Its all I see, all i feel, all i know. I need a break. I want to run and hide from these things but they follow me. Lurk in the darkness, bringing me back to their reality whenever I begin to move on. Please leave me alone, please let me rest, please just give me one moment of peace. I'm so tired, mentally, emotionally, physically..... I just need to rest my eyes. If I plead with my mind and beg these nightmares to go away will they vanish for just one night?

I Am More

I am more then the lies that he told me, more then the words that he said
I am good for more then making men happy and lying on my back in that bed

I am more then this pain, anguish, and hurt that upon me he placed
I will no longer allow my mind, body, and spirit within his power to be disgraced

I am more then the weight of my world, guilt, and shame that I carry
I am digging through this dirt to find my soul to quickly unbury

I've slowly reopened up my wounds, unraveled my secrets  for the world to see
Bleeding them out through my words to kind ears and I allowed  it strengthen me

I am grieving and mourning but no longer being swallowed up by my past
I will become more then these flashbacks and memories that continue to last

I am more then my sad days, my failures, set backs, and  tears
One day no longer will I be controlled by my minds possession of so many fears

I am more then some victim, and that broken damaged little thing
I can now find joy in this world, be uplifted, my heart can begin to sing