Flash Back #1 Today

The touch of his hands gliding across my body, the smell of his warm breath on my face, the weight of his body crushing mine, I see and feel this shame through the body of a four year old. I was small and delicate and gentle like a flower. I was joy and laughter. He took away my smile and the prance In my step. He killed that little one burned her alive from the inside out. The pain was worse then anything I could know, I was being ripped apart bit by bit, would there be any part of me left when he was finished? It lasted for ever It seemed. I radiated heat and pain pulsated through my body like an electric current. He was whispering something In my ear but I do not understand, my ears hear only the screams of a dying child. A child who's soul is being plucked apart like the feathers of a chicken just slaughtered. I am dead I think. This is what death must feel like. I am not In pain anymore, I feel like I'm floating, I am far above the darkness, I see the dead girl, laying there covered In all of that filth. But she Is far away, I am moving on. I am laying In the grass on a hillside looking up at the trees with mommy, making pictures out of the clouds, pretending that i was on those clouds, I am safe here far away from that shame and that dead girl. Then suddenly the sky and hillside crumble, nothing Is left. I am floating down, I fight with all my might. But I am not strong enough, I open my eyes and i am back In side that dead girl, that screaming child.I am her and she Is me, I want to escape but I am trapped, screaming. He climbs off when he Is done, I lay there broken and battered and used. He destroyed my innermost parts, leaving me bleeding and crumbled. Making me feel lower then the dirt we are made from. I am In a haze. Time meant very little to me at the age of four, but now....In this moment. It means nothing.  I lay there unmoved, as parts of me die and perish forever In that bed.