Therapy No More

Wednesday was my last day of therapy. My sessions ran out with her and now its time for me to move on to someone else. But I haven't found anyone else yet. I thought it would be easier to say goodbye. I didn't realize it would be like this. How do you say goodbye to someone who kept you alive? How do you even tell someone that they helped keep you alive? I don't know where I would be if I hadn't started coming to therapy but it wouldn't have been in a good place. I just.... I finally found someone to talk to that listened to me, someone that i could tell all this awfulness to instead of keeping it locked up like i normally do and now that has been taken away from me. How am i supposed to trust someone else with these horrible secrets? I don't understand why everything is changing all at the same time right now. And I'm not ready to be away from her. It's too soon but I have no choice. I tried to be strong, I didn't let myself cry in there. When she asked me how I felt about it I just said It sucked. Then I broke later. When I was alone. I can't let anyone else see how dependent I am on her or the therapy because I don't wanted to feel like a freak. I just want to be normal, whatever that is. I am just so tired of everyone leaving me. And my mind just can't comprehend how someone who has been such a huge part of my life and healing can now be someone I never talk to again. I can't just never talk to her again...How will I survive? Ugh..I feel like a crazy person... Why can't I just get over it? Why am I crying so much? I knew it wasn't going to last forever....I wish I could just get over it and move on. I need to stop being so dependent on therapy and people. Because in the end they all leave...they only one I can trust is myself.