How Can This Feel So Real?

My wrists hurt, my hands are numb
I look down reaching for my suffering
I examine, looking at each carefully
Feeling it's pain with my other hand
I search for the ropes that tie them
Nothing exists
The skin tingles and pulsates beneath my fingertips
How can this feel so real?

Screaming and choking
I search my neck
Pulling  and tugging at it
I need to release his hands that are killing me
I search
Nothing exists
His grip so tight around me..
How can this feel so real?

I lay curled up on the floor, gasping for air
Crying uncontrollably, unable to move
I am being torn in two
Its an invisible rape.
I am alone, I am safe
Yet...i feel so small and defenseless
His weight crushes me, I cant breath
He isn't here
He doesn't exist anymore
My body is shattered into a million pieces
How can this feel so real?


I lay motionless
The world spins around me.
I am dead now
There is no pain where the dead reside.
There they have butterflies, rainbows and laughter.
I want to join them. I run to the dead ones.
They welcome me with open arms
I let go
This doesn't exist
My body is not ruined and broken anymore

I wake up