I'm Angry

So today in therapy we talked about anger. I feel like I get angry at a lot of small things because I'm not addressing the actual reasons I'm angry. So we started on this today, not even touching most of it. I never realized how angry i actually am, and I never allow myself to feel like I deserve to be that angry. But I do. And I am tired. So sick of tired of being angry with myself. When the anger belongs with him, when it belongs with everyone who hurt or failed me. Because I was a child. A defenseless baby given the weight of the world to carry before she could even walk. I DO deserve to be angry. So here's my anger:

I'm angry that I was born into a world without love. I'm angry that I ever thought that what happened was my fault. I'm angry that my dad raped me. I'm angry that he did it everyday. I'm angry that he let his friends rape me. I'm angry that they paid him. I'm angry that he hit me. I'm angry that he confused me for his wife instead of his child. I'm angry that he treated me like property. I'm angry that I came from him. I'm angry that he's the one that hurt me. I'm angry that he used my love and trust in him against me. I'm angry that he thought buying me pretty things and nice toys would make up for what he did. I'm angry that I took those gifts. I'm angry that my mother pretended that she didn't know what was happening to me. I'm angry that he sometimes touched me in the bed right next to her. I'm angry that no matter how hard i pulled on her arm to wake her up and make he see what he was doing, she never did. I'm angry that she drank and took so many pills that she was blinded by what was right in front of her face. I'm angry that she was my responsibility. I'm angry that she hit me, tried to stab me or suffocate me anytime i hid her pills. I'm angry i ever cared about her life enough to hide them. I'm angry that I had to sleep with a bed against my door. I'm angry that that wasn't enough to keep the evil out. I'm angry no one saved me. I'm angry that so much responsibility was placed on my tiny shoulders. I'm angry I had to keep these secrets. I'm angry that I let them make me angry. I'm angry that I thought I did something wrong. I'm angry at my shame. And I'm angry that he ever thought it was okay to try to destroy me.

I'm sure there's more anger but that's all i can feel right now