I wonder If Devil ever thinks about me. Does he think about what he did? Does he feel anything? Can someone just hurt their daughter that way and not even think It's wrong? He ruined my life. I am nothing, and I never even got a chance to be anything. He made me believe I was a slut, stupid, worthless and trash that he could use as he pleased and then toss aside. He never cared about me, no matter how much he pretended he did. He liked It when I cried. When I begged him to stop. "Daddy please stop" "Daddy I'll do anything you want, don't hurt me". He got off on hearing me beg...eventually I stopped begging. He wasn't listening to those pleas anyways.
He liked to hurt me right next to mommy. He liked that she slept so hard when she took her pills. I remember pulling on her shirt, my mind screaming at her to wake up. She didn't hear me. How could she sleep while her baby was In trouble? I wanted to die. But I was always to afraid to leave her with him. When they would fight he would choke her so hard her feet would lift off the ground. I couldn't let him hurt her. I had to be daddy's little princess and tend to his needs. Make him feel like a man.
The tears wont stop. I cant get his face out of my mind. I wish someone would wrap me up In their arms and love me. Am I unlovable? Devil said I was. Did I make Devil mad, Is that why he hurt me? Was It my disobedience? My talking back? My inability to please him the way he wished? Why was I chosen? Is It my fault for allowing It to happen by being to scared to tell anyone? Why won't anyone answer my questions?
I feel like I'm both carrying the weight of a boulder and like I'm empty all at the same time. I am both crying and feel numb at the same time. I just wish I could run away and escape all this pain but I can't run fast enough.
I am broken and damaged beyond repair.
No comments:
Post a Comment