"Write about the ways you're still affected by the abuse. What are you still carrying In terms of your feelings of self-worth, and your relationships? How Is your life still pained, still limited?"
Self-worth...I wake up each morning wishing I hadn't. Thinking I don't deserve to be here. Although I know I do deserve It I don't believe those words even from myself. My father taught me that I was here simply for sex. I had no worth In the eyes of anyone In this world unless I was laying on my back. I always put others before myself although that's not always a good thing. When will anyone ever put me first? I don't even know what self-worth Is because I don't have any.
Relationships....I don't date, but I have lots of friends. I wish that I could date but I know I may never be ready for that. With my friends I laugh and joke constantly and rarely show that there's another side to me. I am selective about who I choose to talk to and even with those selections I trust no one.
My life Is still pained because no matter what I do I always have a sense of fear that there Is someone lurking behind every corner waiting to hurt me. I am afraid of what the darkness brings. In my mind I have new people that care about me. But It's all an act. I really mean nothing to them and I feel like my entire existence now Is waiting on them to all walk away from me.
I am limited because I don't trust anyone but especially men. I can never marry or have a family If I don't learn to trust. Everything In my life Is limited by what has happened to me. My past is like a noose that's choking the life out of every experience I ever have.
"Write about your strengths with pride."
I am stronger then anyone I know. I had the knowledge and resilience to survive the abuse I suffered then and to make a life for myself now In the present. I am beautiful and loved despite what he told me. I find beauty In the world around me, and love back despite what was done to me. I am independent and wise. I am kind and giving. I will make It past all these hurtful things I hold on to. I will be fully happy.
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