I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking right now. I have a million thoughts bouncing through my head. Most of them are about my future. I just mostly wonder what type of life I will have. I'm 22 and have so much time left but It feels like I've already lived an eternity. I want all of this to become something that happened to me but made me a stronger person. I don't want to be labeled by this forever. I may have the scars both emotionally and physically that serve as constant reminders but maybe I can see those scars as showing me where I've been, and how far I've come. I've traveled a road that very few survive on. I may be damaged but I'm here. I want to live, I want to travel and see parts of the world I've only dreamed of until now. I want to fall head over heels In love, and I want to get my heart broken. As crazy as that seems I want that because that's a basic human experience that almost every person has had. It's a part of life. It helps people grow Into the adults they end up becoming. I want all of those experiences because what Is life without It? If every life was perfect we would get bored. I've already been through the worst of life short of death...everything else seems relatively easy in comparison. I also want to have babies, I want to hold their tiny bodies In my arms and count their tiny toes while whispering promises to love them forever In their tiny ears. I don't even know If I would make a good mother but It's something to think about. I want the option. I want to have everything and also very little all at the same time. I just want happiness.
I don't know what the future holds for me but It has to be better then what the past held. I am optimistic then one day I will look In the mirror and say "I may not be fully healed and I may never be, but I love myself, and others love me and I'm happy. And today that's enough"
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