Three Words Of The Week #1

"No Pity, No Shame, No Silence"

Pity
I don't want people to feel sorry for me. The one who should be sorry Isn't, and his apologies don't mean anything anyways. I don't want to be looked at differently or judged for who I am. I am more then this. I will not have the word victim slapped on my forehead because I am more then what he made me. Don't say your sorry. That gets me nowhere. Even If you can't find the words simple sit with me, there is no need to apologize to me for something that you could not control. When I talk, If I choose you, be a friend and listen kindly. I am not looking for advice or understanding. Just listen Is all I ask, be an ear when I have no other.

Shame
I am ashamed of my own body. It betrayed me after all. It was my body that enticed him, Made him want. So I gave. My body never belonged to me, I was his property and he did with me as he pleased. When I look In the mirror I see everything that he touched, I see scars that he left, and I see a girl that Is ashamed to be In the skin that she was given. Everyday I wake up and feel guilty because of what was done to me. I ask my self If It was my fault and did I deserve this. Even knowing otherwise I still believe the things he said I think sometimes that the shame and the guilt that stays can sometimes be worse then the act itself that was inflicted upon us. I am ashamed that this happened to me. I am ashamed that my father was the person responsible. I am ashamed that I never told. And I am ashamed that It went on for as long as It did.

Silence
I was silenced for to long. I was a child that was meant to be seen and not heard. I spoke when spoken to, and most definitely never spoke of secrets. These secrets were for nighttime only and existed In another world, a world made up of daddies and little girls. I never spoke up because I didn't know speaking up was even an option. Abuse was normal so what would speaking up do? And who would I have told? My mother? Would she have even done anything? Or just drink more? No I couldn't speak then. He would have killed me If I told. But I can speak now. I can give myself the voice I never had. I can scream It all from the rooftops. I can tell the world. I can shed light on this issue. I can give It a name, speak of it, share my story, and encourage other survivors. I will not be silent any longer. If justice for me will never be found then I can make my own justice with my words.