I just got home. Went to dinner and randomly walked around Wal-mart with a friend. Today made me realize that no matter how awful I might feel or how bleak my situation may seem EVERYDAY I have something to smile about. Laughing with her for the past few hours got me out of my own head. Calmed me. And yeah It's 10:30pm and now I have to get ready for bed and that thought alone scares me because I know that tonight like every night I'm not going to get a peaceful nights rest. I will have nightmares, and I will wake up crying one or more times tonight. But that's okay. Because as unloved as I sometimes feel I DO have people that care about me and If laughing for a few hours with her was the best thing that I could take from this day then that's a hell of a lot better then yesterday. I guess what I'm trying to say here Is I need to find a way to look past the pain and find something everyday that's good(as hard as that may be at times). Otherwise whats the point of this life? I cant let what my father did to me control me anymore. Miles away and he still somehow controls every aspect of my life. But for a few hours I got to be distracted and not think about the sad ugliness. That's just about all I can ask for at this moment.
<3
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