Sisters

I miss my sister so much I ache. She was everything to me. She cared for me and taught me things. She read to me at night. She kissed me when I fell. She was the mother I found when I had none. I miss our closeness and our days spent just laughing and doing nothing. I miss us talking about everything and sharing our secrets. I wish I could have some of that back, even for just a moment. She was always supposed to be here, but like everyone she disappointed me. She took his side, believed him. Tore me down. I have no one. I am not physically linked to anyone In this world anymore. Years from now the friends that I have may move on, get bored with me. That's what friends do, but family Is supposed to be here always. If a person doesn't have family what do they have? Should I have kept my mouth shut and just put up with him In order to maintain what small bit of family I had? As wrong and twisted as It all was I miss being able to say that I had family. I think I miss her more then my mom. When she was alive my mom was always sleeping, always In pain, always on medication, always drunk. But my sister and I shared something that no one else could understand. Tho very different experiences we both grew up In this crazy family and somehow lived to tale the tale. She wasn't supposed to walk away from me. She wasn't supposed to take his side.

No one ever fought for me. No one was ever on my side. I thought that person was supposed to be my sister, I was wrong. I looked up to her. I copied everything she did. Then one day she stomped on my heart that my father had already ripped out and broken. I will never get back what I had with her. Because she did more then just hurt and disappoint  me but she further proved to me that there's no one I can ever trust but myself. She taught me that no matter how much you love someone they can always hurt you. She also taught me that no one In this life will ever fight for me. I'll never be important enough. Maybe I needed to learn these lessons anyways. Maybe I didn't.